Life is short. Somebody can seem perfectly stable and then suddenly crash and die.
I hadn’t gotten time to process things because I had to immediately line (give fluids) another patient who is also dying in order to save his life.
I couldn’t help but be enraged at the morally decadent people on top who live without worries, leaving PGH in such a depraved state with no water, lack of adequately-sized IV cannulas, lack of tubes to contain blood, overcrowded emergency room owing to an inefficient referral system, and overworked nurses and doctors. Health care workers rely on their own stash of materials which are barely enough.
And this isn’t the complete picture. The remaining 70% of Filipinos who die without medical attention are definitely not in any hospital (not just PGH). While hospitals in Japan, US, Europe, and the rest of the world are focused on developing the latest technology to cure HIV-AIDS and cancer, we couldn’t even maintain water and medical equipment supply in our own national hospital.
“Welcome to PGH,” the nurse told me.
(And I deeply respect this nurse because not only is she able to do IV lining on difficult patients but she also gifted me a roll of micropore tape. She also taught me how to troubleshoot a leaky foley catheter.)
(And there’s also another nurse whom I also respect deeply because despite the lack of properly-sized IV cannulas (pink and blue), he was able to insert extra-large gauge 16 IV cannulas (gray) with ease on patients, allowing a sufficient flow of IV fluids, saving their lives! Nurses actually save more lives than doctors!)
A part of me couldn’t help but blame myself because I felt that I didn’t give more attention to that patient when she suddenly said that her neck is very painful as she lost control of her neck right before she crashed and died. Even so, would I have been able to save her on time? Would I have had given her more attention, and perhaps saved her, if it weren’t for the tons of paperwork to accomplish and the demand to monitor a lot of patients? Am I not being too hard on myself?
Certainly, if this patient was seen, given proper attention, and operated on time, she would have a lot, lot more years to live.
That woman in her early thirties seemed stable (but is hypotensive), and she even talked while I extracted blood and inserted a nasogastric tube. Later, I had to do CPR – exerting force on my hands pushing downward towards the chest of the dying patient’s chest who was alive just moments ago.
“Just moments ago, she was alive.”
Such a grueling thought gnaws away my rational and calm self.
And I know this battle is far from over.
Incognito 